


know your past (and create your future)

by iamfriendarin (LostMarauder)



Category: Starlight Brigade - TWRP ft. Dan Avidan (Music Video)
Genre: Alien OC version of Arin Hanson, Comfort, Dan Avidan (mentioned) - Freeform, Dan Avidan/OC version of Arin (past), Fluff, Gen, Past Lives, the brigade is his family dammit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21776968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostMarauder/pseuds/iamfriendarin
Summary: Strive's been having a lot of strange thoughts lately. Dreams and visions that feel like memories he can't remember, centered on men he's never met. It's strange, scary, but at least the brigade is there to help him.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 38
Collections: Game Grumps Holiday Exchange 2019





	1. Prelude

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HerbertBest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerbertBest/gifts).



The inside of the harvester was dead silent. Normally, silence such as this meant one could hear their own body function, but there was absolutely nothing. Strive couldn’t even hear himself breathing, or the soft pulsing of his heartstone. It brought out a strange feeling, almost like a memory, like something terrible was going to happen, a ship was missing,  _ w̨̛h̨ę͜͞r̕ę͡ ̧͠w̢a̡̕͝s--͘- _

And then it’s over, sound and color and feeling returning as they break free from the subspace, the harvester imploding behind them. He can hear the whoops and hollers of his crewmates, and can’t help joining in.

But his heart isn’t in it. It’s somewhere else, and he’s not sure where.


	2. Meouch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first brigadier notices something's not right.

The briefing room was loud and bright. It was customary for the Brigade to gather and celebrate a successful mission, especially one such as this. Taking down an entire star harvester was damn near unheard of, and yet, here they were, after doing just that with no casualties from the six-man fleet. The Brigade had gathered from all corners of the system to join the celebration, and while a coming-home such as this always brought the reminder that they had suffered a great many losses during this war with the Boredom, it couldn’t overshadow the true reward of destroying the harvester. It gave hope that this war could still be won, gave promise that they had a chance to save the galaxy from a cold, dark end.

But the entire Brigade wasn’t here. Strive was missing, that mop of fluffy blue hair completely missing from the crowd gathered in the briefing room.

Meouch notices first, eir towering stature over many of the brigadiers combined with eir better senses lending to that. Ey don’t say anything to the others, though, simply slipping out of the party and moving down the halls, past other brigadiers who had fallen out of the main room, most of them more than a little drunk and one of them completely passed out. The drunken stragglers thin out as ey go, though, eir destination down towards the living quarters.

Ey weren’t completely sure that this was even where he would be, but when eir ears pick up the soft sniffles from behind his door, ey know. Ey knock softly at the door, and a startled hiccup comes from inside.

“Strive? Can I come in, cub?”

A pause, and then, “Yeah. Yeah, you can come in...”

Ey tap the hand sensor to slide the door open, ducking through. The room is dimly lit, the only light coming from the gem in Strive’s chest, but ey can see well enough to know he’s sitting on his bed, and that he’s been crying. “Are ya alright? I saw ya weren’t in the briefin’ room, an’ I wanted t’ come check on ya...”

Strive smiles a bit, accent thick over his words. “I’m alright, yeah, I just... I don’t get it, I guess.”

Meouch tilts eir head, moving to sit next to him on the bed, paw resting on his shoulder. “What don’cha get?”

“Why are we celebrating? So many lives have been lost to this... this thing, and we’ve only just destroyed a single harvester. There are probably so many more out there, taking lives just like this one... why aren’t we working to locate and destroy the next one? Why are we wasting time?” Tears gather in his eyes as he speaks, voice cracking towards the end.

It makes Meouch pause, thinking over eir words carefully before ey respond. “Where’s this comin’ from, cub?”

Strive is silent for a moment, gathering his words. “It wasn’t something that occurred to me until we were in the harvester. And then at the party, the general’s speech, it...”

“What happened?”

“Like... flying through it, I felt like… I don’t know, like it was something I’d done before. Even though I’d barely even flown before, and definitely not into a star harvester. And it felt... it felt good, like we were gonna make a difference and it was gonna be great... and then suddenly, I was afraid, and I felt like someone was gone, just disappeared into nothing. I could still count all of you guys, but... I couldn’t shake that feeling. I still can’t.”

“And then what happened at the party?”

Strive takes a breath.

* * *

The general always gave a speech to kick off every celebration, honoring those lost throughout the war, especially those lost in the process of making this very mission possible, allowing the Brigade to annihilate this harvester and pave the way to victory against the boredom.

One of the pictures, a young man with a bright smile and a streak of blond, made Strive’s heartstone ache all over again. The nearest familiar face, or rather, cone, was Sung, so he made his way through the crowd, to tug at his sleeve and point up at the picture. “Hey, Sung, do you know who that is?”

Sung looked down at him, slightly surprised, before he turned his gaze to the picture. “That’s Echo. He... disappeared. On our first flight through a harvester. We didn’t have the trajectory right, so we didn’t destroy it, but he disappeared part way through. Ship and all, just... gone.”

Strive nodded, his eyes finding the floor and his heartstone thrumming almost painfully.

* * *

“And I just... it made me wonder why there’s been all this sacrifice and death and loss, and yet we’re not constantly out there fighting to make it all worthwhile. Shouldn’t we be spending every moment taking these things down?”

“You’re right.”

“What?” Strive looks up at em in surprise.

“I said you’re right. There’s a lot of work to do still, and by all rights we should be working.” Ey look down at him, squeezing his shoulder gently. “But if we focus only what still needs to be done, it’ll all come crashing down on us. We have to stop and look back at all we’ve accomplished so far and celebrate that we’ve done this much, so that the bulk of what’s still ahead doesn’t weigh us all down to the point that we’re primed for the boredom to take over and infect us...” Meouch looks away again. “I’ve seen it happen before. One of our own, he got so caught up in what needed to be done, because someone very close to him disappeared on a mission. And the boredom infected him, and now... he’s gone.”

“...Was it Echo?”

“Huh?”

“The one that disappeared. Was it Echo?”

“...yeah.”

“I... I’m so sorry.” Strive leans over on to em. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up, I shouldn’t be such a down—”

“Stop.” Ey put a paw under his chin, so he’s looking at em. “You don’t have to apologize. You’re still fresh to all this war shit, it’s only natural for you to question. An’ I didn’t mean to, like... scare you off talkin’ about this. I just... I can’t lose you the same way we lost him. Either of them. I just can’t.”

Strive nods, putting his arms around em. “You’re not gonna lose me. I don’t want to go anywhere.”

“I don’t want you to go either, cub.” Ey hug him back sighing deeply. “I don’t want you to go either.”

“Can we just stay here?”

“What do you mean?”

“Instead of going back to the party. I don’t think I want to be there.”

“That’s fine, cub. It’s way too loud and smelly there anyway.”

Strive cracks a smile. “Be nice to Phobos.”

Meouch laughs heartily, and it’s like a sign that everything will be okay.

* * *

In the morning, when hangovers are heavy in the air and those who aren’t in fifty shades of pain are loading their crew up to head back out into the depths, Brian opens Strive’s door to find him curled up on top of Meouch, both snoring softly. 

He’s glad no one’s around to hear the soft chuckle that creaks out of throat, closing the door again and continuing on down the hall. Training could wait.


	3. Brian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A blooming friendship from an unexpected source.

Strive was nervous, simple as that. It was time for their first training session following the successful harvester shattering. The general said it was to make sure they didn’t get soft or complacent. The plan was initially for them to take their ships out and do some laps and practice evasive maneuvering, but with the mothership currently residing in a rather active asteroid belt, it wasn’t safe. Instead, the crew was instructed to pair off and practice their hand to hand combat. 

And Strive got paired with Ninja Brian. 

Strive was almost completely inexperienced in even throwing punches, he’d never even been in a fight back on Lumina. And here he was, up against the man who was most likely to be voted Killed The Most People With His Eyes. 

Nerves are the least of his worries, he figures. 

The look Brian gives him as they enter the training room is strange. He’d never seen the ninja man emote before, but there almost seemed to be some flavor or another of pain behind his eyes. It’s gone before Strive can process it, though, and then they’re taking their places on opposing sides of the room.

Brian’s unnerving stare doesn’t lose any intensity, even from a distance, and it only serves to enhance Strive’s nerves. “So, uh.. What are we doing, even?”

Brian starts to sign, and Strive is suddenly far more thankful for the lessons on sign language.

**“We’re sparring.”**

“But I don’t even know how to spar..”

**“It’s just pretending to fight.”**

“What does that even--?” He doesn’t even get a chance to finish before Brian disappears, reappearing behind him and hitting his back. It doesn’t hurt terribly, thank god, but it’s surprising. And then he just keeps doing it, over and over, hitting different places each time. Strive tries his hardest to at least get a hit in, but it’s like all he’s doing is flailing around and missing every time. It’s frustrating, so, so frustrating, and Strive can feel it building, the thrum of his heartstone getting louder and faster.

Brian doesn’t notice until it’s too late, orange energy flashing from Strive’s eyes, the very same that had shone out of Strive’s dancer ship when they were breaking the harvester shield. It stuns him, forcing him to stumble back. He’s barely righted himself before Strive is flying at him, fist encased in that energy and a star glowing around his heartstone.

* * *

_ “You can do better than that.” _

_ “Shut up, I’m trying, Brian.” _

_ “Try h̷ͫͣ̓̽̒̎ͪ̅͆ͤ͟͏̙͍̲̭̭̺̮͎̭͉̫̤a̅̃͐̆ͥ̊͏̻̰͉͎͓̟̦̳̰̺̗̣͈̜̙̤̯͢͞͡r̸̵̢̪̭̮̂̓̇ͥ́̇̏ͅd̺̺͇͔̥͉̻͔̫̝̖̹̍͗̑̄̄̀̈́̒̍̀̏̋̐͗͘e̪̟̰̻͚͚͉̱̣̤̗͔͐͌͌̌ͪ̑ͯ̍̐ͯ̈̉͛ͯ͠ͅr̪̱̩̱̹̊́ͪ̍͂ͭͬ̿͘̕. I know you can do it. I saw you do it during the mission.” _

_ “That was different! Ę̷͍͈͚͔̦̳̤̻͚͖͖̿ͥͧ́͛̾͗ͧ͒ͩ̿̚͘͞͠ç̖̰̟͍̥̙̘̭ͭ̐͛̑́̎͂̎ͥ̾̍͋͗͡h̵̶̷̫̗͈̞̻̪͎̦͚̬̜̻͖͙̫̤̓͌́̒͋͋ͨ͐̿͛̑͒̒̈ͭͧͯͧ͟ͅo̙̣̖̙͙̮̯͇̗̠̙̻̮̒̓̇͋͌̓ͥͭͧͣ͝ was in danger!” _

_ “Then pretend he’s in danger again, D̛ͣͪ͒̈́̍ͧ҉̺͕͔̱̰̗͖͎̝͈͚̭̞͉͇̘͜ạ̧̛͖̝̞̤̞̻͎̫̱̩͎͍̥͈̇ͮ͆ͦ̓̈͛͊̒͌͟n̛̗̼͚̘͓͙̫̞̻̣̗͍̔̂̌̃ͧ̉ͤ̏͂ͪͩ̏͌ͭͭ͋̚͠͡ņͬ͛̔̈́͆ͪ͘͝҉̮͎̯̺̠̮̣̖̭y̴̵̸͈̠̩͎̳̺͉̞͚̰͍̮͔̌͗͛͊̾̄̋͒̋̍͑̓͐̚̚, and hit me.” _

* * *

Strive comes to after a while, pulling himself free of the haze that his heartstone created. His vision is blurry, and as he blinks the fuzziness away, he’s shocked.

Brian is laying against the wall a few feet away, apparently dazed. 

He runs over, dropping to his knees and sliding the last short distance to him. “Brian? Brian! Are you okay? What happened, w-what did I do?”

Brian shakes his head, rubbing his eyes.  _ “I’m fine. You’ve got a hell of an arm when you need it, though…”  _

Strive gapes like a fish at that, but not at what he’s saying--rather, how. The strange echoing voice, but entirely contained in his own head… his heartstone is aching again. It’s been doing that a lot lately.

_ “Are you okay?”  _ He’s signing at the same time, clearly not aware.

“How… how are you doing that?”

_ “Doing what?” _

“Talking into my head like that!” His voice cracks, and his fingers thread into his hair.

_ “You can hear me…?”  _ His eyes are wide, and… tearing up? Fuck, did he really just somehow make the galaxy’s toughest ninja  _ cry? _

“Yeah, I… how?”

_ “It.. it doesn’t matter. It just makes it easier…”  _ And then he’s sitting up, pulling Strive down into a tight hug. It surprises him, but it’s certainly not unwelcome, surprisingly warm and secure for someone so emotionally distant it’s a surprise that he doesn’t keep his happiness in the next sector over.

“Are you okay, Brian? I didn’t upset you, did I?” Even though he didn’t do anything, at least not that he knew of.

_ “I’m fine.”  _ He releases the hug, standing up and offering a hand.  _ “Screw training for now.” _

“But.. the general wants--” Strive stands, dusting off his leggings.

_ “Screw the general.”  _

“Wh-what?”

_ “I said screw her.”  _ That normally disturbingly sharp gaze softens into something… well, it almost seems caring, but that’s practically alien to Brian’s face, isn’t it? Strive isn’t so sure anymore.  _ “I’ve been having to make do with signs that you don’t always get. I want to get to know you now that communicating is easier.” _

“I think I’d like that.” Woah, fuck, is Brian  _ smiling  _ now? Granted, it’s all in his eyes, but….. What the fuck did he hit him with?

_ “I’ll make us lunch.” _

“I… okay.” He’s still so confused as he follows Brian down the halls, and his heartstone is still aching, but it’s almost a yearning now. He still can’t place it, so he instead opts to squash it down and just… enjoy lunch with this murderous ninja man. 

* * *

Brian prepares a meal from some Earth place called ‘Japan’. Strive decides he actually likes it very much, at least far more than the last concoction of Sung’s he was brave enough--or stupid enough--to try. Now that he can talk without needing his hands, Strive also finds that Brian is actually fairly talkative, telling him all sorts of stories from Earth. 

It’s hard to imagine that this stoic ninja could make him laugh so hard, but here he is with broth nearly out his nose. It’s far more pleasant than he imagined. 

“We’ll have to do this more often.”

_ “I’d like that.”  _ Brian smiles, actually smiles with his whole entire face, and Strive grins back. This is a good end to the day.

Despite that, Strive’s still wandering the ship deep into the nighttime hours, following the call of a voice he can’t quite hear, the feeling of something long lost trying desperately to return.

It leads him to the garden, watching a pink flower bloom in the dimmed evening lights.


	4. Phobos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two insomniacs, one garden. It's not as bad as it sounds, promise.

Walking around the ship in the wee hours of the morning was nothing new for Phobos. The normal buzz of activity was silenced, and it gave him time to sort through his thoughts and the events of the day without needing to worry about someone needing his help or about training or whatever else daytime brought along with it. 

Normally, nothing exciting or new happened during his alone time. He’d walk, he’d get sleepy, he’d return to bed and wake up refreshed in the morning to the smell of Meouch cooking something while Havve restrained Sung from touching the stove again.

Normally, though, Strive’s door isn’t wide open at this time of night, especially not with the main occupant nowhere to be found inside.

* * *

It’s in the ship’s gardens that Phobos finally finds Strive. Usually, someone else wandering the halls was fine, just some quiet company in the time before the ship awoke again. But Strive? Who was always awake second (Havve woke at 6am on the dot) and first to go to bed?

It was worrying.

Strive is examining one of the plants, a leafy thing from Meouch’s home planet, when Phobos walks over. It’s just a light touch on his shoulder, but he jumps regardless, eyes darting around the room as if he had just been caught stealing candy at a moon depot.

**“Are you okay?”** Phobos’s signs aren’t as fast and violent as Brian’s were, since he knows Strive still doesn’t have a full grasp on the language.

“I’m.. I’m fine, yeah.” Strive relaxes slightly, but is still on edge. “Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

**“I could say the same for you.”**

“...okay, fair enough. I’ll tell you why I’m here if you tell me why you are.”

Phobos’ shoulder shake in a silent giggle.  **“Some of the plants are nocturnal, so I usually come to check on them. Helps get my brain to shut off for the night, too. Your turn.”**

“Oh, that’s cool.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I just couldn’t get to sleep, so I took a walk. Ended up in here.”

**“Do you usually have trouble sleeping?”** His head tilts to one side as he sits on the edge of the planter box, Strive sitting next to him.

“No, not usually… I just.. My brain won’t settle down, I guess.”

**“Anxiety?”**

“No, no… well.. Maybe? I don’t really know.” He shrugs. “I keep getting… glimpses, I guess. They’re really vivid dreams, and they almost feel like…. like memories. But I don’t actually remember any of them actually happening. And Brian started talking into my head earlier, so maybe that has something to do with it? I keep almost hearing something talking to me...”

Phobos hums softly under the helmet, thinking on what to say.  **“I… I don’t think I know what would cause that, buddy. These ‘memories’ or voices or Brian suddenly being able to talk to you mentally. But I can see why it’d keep you awake. It’s probably a lot to think about. Maybe you should talk to one of the counselors aboard the ship? Or at least Sung?”**

“Maybe, yeah.” He sighs “Do you have any ideas for how I can... be less awake right now? I’d like to sleep, I just can’t get my brain to stop.”

**“I know the perfect thing.”**

* * *

Hot tea wasn’t something that had crossed Strive’s mind, but here, sipping at the warm drink and sitting with Phobos in one of the lounge rooms, he can already feel it working its herbal magic. “You make really good tea, Phobos.”

**“Yeah? I’m glad you think so, it was my mother’s recipe.”**

“Oh, wow.” Strive can already feel his eyelids growing heavy, and he sets the cup down on the end table. “Hey… Phobos?”

**“What’s up?”**

“Did.. did you know Echo?”

**“Echo? Yeah, he was a part of our squadron a long time ago. Why do you ask?”**

“I don’t know. Just… tell me about him?”

**“I never knew too much about him. He joined us not too long after these guys picked me up off of what was left of my planet. He was a good pilot, but I think he was mostly there for manpower, since he could lift just about anything. Even Meouch and Havve. He was such a sweet guy, though. He might have looked like he was made for this sort of thing but on the inside he was almost totally different from the other squadrons. Meant he fit right in with us.”**

“What happened to him?”

**“Well… it was the first time we’d tried going through a harvester to destroy it. We breached the shielding and went right through the subspace, but I guess our angling was wrong or something, cause we came right out the other side and it didn’t blow up. Not even sure if we damaged it. Echo, though, his ship just... disappeared into the subspace. No sign of him anywhere, no distress signal, nothing. Just gone. We searched for weeks, all around the harvester and putting out bulletins. We never found him, had to declare him MIA. It was really hard to lose him like that.”**

“...do you miss him?”

**“Yeah. I miss him a lot.”**

Strive nods, leaning over on Phobos. “Thanks for the tea…”

**“You’re welcome. Do you want me to carry you to bed?”**

“I can walk, I’m an adult.”

**“You sure?”**

“...maybe just this once.”

* * *

Strive looks all too small as Phobos carefully tucks him into bed, as he’d fallen asleep on the way there. It’s hard not to worry about him as he leaves the room. Sudden sleep problems following a training day and what Meouch had described only as a ‘post mission morality crisis?’ That’s not normal, that’s not… right. 

Phobos sighs and takes off his helmet as he heads for his own quarters. He has a feeling that things aren't over for Strive, but... at least he's sound asleep for now.

* * *

_ Back in the ship. Back in the harvester. It seems so much bigger. What’s going on? _

_ The radar. The radar is wrong. What’s wrong? There’s a dot missing. _

_ Someone’s gone. _

_ "̡͜͝H̛͘͢͞ę̵͟͠l̷͝͡p̸͢͡ ̴̨m̨̛͠e̷̷,̡̨͜ ̢͘p҉̷̸l̸̢͘͠e̵͘̕͘a̵͢s̡͜e.̷"̛͜ _

_ Someone’s gone. _

_ He’s ğ̸̵͚̦̭̟̖̭͙̖͙̺ͫ̓̃̉̔ͦ͗ͫo̶̢̡̞̤̮̳͔͇̬̣̮̪͉̟̽̎͂ͩ̏͗̓̈͛ͨ̃ͨ̋͐̊͘͜ͅn̢̡̬͔͈̮͔̈́̔͂̅̓̆̂̔̐ͬ̾̐ͥ͆͒̅ͮͫe̡̛͙̠̗̩̲̝̯͈̔̓̅ͭͬ͂̈́͗ͅ. _

_ Out of the harvester. Sound, color, all back. The crushing weight of nothingness lifted. But there is still something crushing. _

_ What’s that sound? _

_ Screaming? Who’s screaming? _

_ H̨̕͢҉͝e̸̢̡̕͢ ̴҉i̢͘ş͟. I am. _

_ I am screaming. I am crying. He’s gone, where is he? How could he just disappear? _

_ Is the radio crackling? Iͮ́ͧͤͩ͝҉̛̜̳̜̹̺̺̜̲̮̫̣̤̭̫͚̹̣͞ś̨͚̬̝͎͍̫̮͉̝̝̍ͤͤͨ́̈́͟ ̲͚̻̬̞͕̲̹̞̮̠̤ͫ͌̿́ͪ̊͢ͅş̬̤̹͇́̉ͩͧ͜͟͞ö̸̧̨͈̖̣͇ͩ̓̅̌ͪ̓̊̒̕m̸̼̬͔̩̼̲̿̿̆̅̇̾͟͜͟ĕ̢̳̖̭̟̘̱̪̄̿̀̽ͮ͂̌̾̚͞õ̴̴̠̝̰͙͎̞̦̗̟̠̮̘̰͊̓̅ͪ̉ͥ̓̏́̉̚̚͘͜ͅn̷̢͉̫̤͕͙͖̞͈͕͔͖ͬ̑̀̿̍̉͛̿ͯ͗͌ͯ̂̀ͣͮ͐ḛ̬͔͇͇̼̥̼̞͆ͩ͑ͯ͛ͩ͛̏̎̕͘͜ ̰̪͖̬̦̥͚̫̺̣̜͔̅͛̓ͮ̑̃̔̄͋ͪ̍͘͜͠͡ͅt̸̗̩̤̥͓̺̠̦̙͉͚͙̽͐͌͑̑͘h̨͉̮̤̘̩̲̝͉̯̗̱͕̺͖̐̇ͤ͋͛ͦ͑̄ͯ̅͋̌ͯ̏̔͂̾͢ê̶̖͈̗̤̻̱͉̲̥̈́͗ͩͮ͆ͥ̕r̈́͂͊͌̿̏̏ͤ͞҉̯̝̺̫̞̩̟̤̘̠̖͍̲̖̗̹̩e̸͕̥̙̭͎̝̦̼ͤ̑̌̈̇̋͝?̷̻̥̻̣͖̞̣̳̬͔͎͔̳̻͈͖̼̝̓ͬͦ̎ͬ̇̏͡ _

_ Can’t tell. It doesn’t matter.  _

**_E̶҉͟c͘͠͡ḩ͟͞o̷͜ ̡͟͏i͢ş̶̨͜ ̴̡́͝ǵ̶҉ó̴͘n̷̴̶̛ȩ͝.̴̧͝͞_ **


	5. Havve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who knew that robots could be great at comfort? Havve didn't.

It's six on the dot when Havve comes out of sleep mode, same as every morning. His routine is simple. Run diagnostics, make his bed, pick up quiet sobbing from another room, dust his room, water the small plant Phobos insisted he keep--

Wait a moment. 

The sound forces Havve out of his morning routine. It takes a moment to register that it's not coming from an error in his audio processors, but actual crying from somewhere else. 

He's usually not one for emotions, but he knows that crying is cause for concern in this line of work. Especially coming from the direction of Strive's room. Especially after what happened last time…. 

He doesn’t even knock as he enters, determining that the sound is coming from Strive and not some video or audio recording. Normally, that would be all he would do. The source is confirmed, the job is done, time to get back to routine and finish the morning tasks. But Sung had been trying to train him on empathy, despite its utter uselessness on the field, and would probably scold him for leaving Strive in such a state. Sung's scoldings were never fun. 

Plus, though he’d admit it to exactly zero percent of people aboard… not that he'd tell anyone anywhere else anyway… Havve kinda cared about him.

He closes the door gently behind him and shuffles over, an arm resting on Strive’s.

“ARE YOU OKAY.” Havve is lacking inflection and tone as always, but at least this time he’s trying.

The sound startles Strive, and he wipes tears from puffy eyes as he looks up at him. “Hi… Hi Havve… I’m okay, yeah.”

“YOU ARE CRYING.”

“I know, I just… I had a bad dream.”

“DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.”

“I…. um…”

“I WILL NOT TELL ANYONE IF IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.” He blinks once.

“Okay… it’s just.. Weird? I don’t know. I was… someone else. It didn’t feel like a stranger, though, just not quite me… And I was in my ship. It seemed bigger, so maybe I was taller? But I wasn’t in control, just watching… We were flying through a harvester, I think, and suddenly a ship just… disappeared off the radar and everyone started yelling and I.. I was screaming… and then we got back to the mothership and I just… couldn’t stop crying, Havve. I couldn't stop. And I woke up like that.”

The robot is silent as he parses through the details, worrying Strive for a moment. “Are you okay?”

“I AM FINE.” He tilts his head. “THAT DREAM WAS A MEMORY.”

“What? But… how? I don’t remember it, and you…”

“I KNOW WHAT EVENT YOU ARE DESCRIBING. I WAS THERE. ALL OF US WERE.”

“Can you tell me anything about it, Havve? Please, I… I need to know.”

“I COULD. BUT I THINK THAT THIS IS SOMETHING THAT YOU WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITH IF YOU TALKED TO SUNG ABOUT IT INSTEAD OF ME.” A pause. “HE IS MUCH BETTER AT THIS SORT OF THING THAN I AM.”

“...alright.” He picks up the clock on his bedside table, groaning. 

“WHAT IS WRONG NOW.”

“It’s 6:15.”

“YES IT IS.”

“I went to bed at 4:30.”

“THAT IS A LESS THAN OPTIMAL SLEEP DURATION.”

“I have to get more sleep, or I'll be useless…"

"YOU WILL NEVER BE USELESS, BUT I UNDERSTAND YOUR POINT." 

"But... What if the nightmare… er, memory, or whatever, comes back?”

“I WILL STAY WITH YOU UNTIL YOU HAVE WOKEN UP WITHOUT AUDIBLE EMOTIONAL DISTRESS.”

“Are you sure, what about your whole morning routine?”

“IT IS NOT IMPORTANT WHEN COMPARED TO YOUR EMOTIONAL WELLBEING.”

“Woah, uh… thank you, Havve.”

“YOU ARE WELCOME. DO NOT TELL ANYONE THAT I SAID THAT.”

“You got it.”

* * *

Havve waits until he can hear soft snoring from the smaller alien, before reaching over and gingerly taking his hand. 

Maybe empathy isn't as wholly useless as he first thought.

* * *

_ The ship again. But something’s different. Nothing is moving. Nothing is past the outer window. Just this ship. It’s all that exists. _

_ The radio crackles again. Is that a voice on the other end? _

_ I reach for it. Is that h̶̷͝i҉͠s̴͜͢ hand? It’s bigger. A different color. The fuck is up with that thumb? _

_ I touch the com link. It’s my hand. It’s h̦̺̯͇̝͙̎ͮ̾̓ͨͯ̄͊̄̎ͫͫͤ̂̇͋̈́͛̒̕͟͝i̧̠̺̣̱̭̮͒̓̏̑̒̏̎͡͡s̷̱̬̺͉͓̘̼̬͈̭̳̼̲̲̘̭ͫ̔̎ͫ͑̇̽ͨ̃̒͝͠ hand. It’s our hand. _

_ "̵̵̶D̴͜͞ą̷n̡̡?̷̕͡ ̶̡͜͞C̡̡̛a̢͏n͜͡ ̵̴͝y̢o̸͜͢͝ų̨͟.҉.̸̸͢͞.̸̵̡͢͡.͜͏҉ ̸̧h̵͢͠e̸a̛̛͞r͡.̷̴.̵͘̕.͏̷̷͠.͏̢ ̶̨͡m̶͝e͘͜͡͞?̴"͏͘͢ _


	6. Sung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, a medical professional. Or... something. At the very least, he's willing to help.

When Sung isn't working in his lab on whatever he's decided is something that needs to exist (last week it was a motorized hang glider for Earth lizards), he can be found in the kitchen, perfecting recipes from his home that are completely inedible to everyone else on the ship and probably everyone in the galaxy. Not that they'd tell him that. The general may or may not be trying to draft a polite way to ban him from further cooking. 

But that's where he is anyway, chipper as usual, as compared to Strive being groggy from his sleep troubles. 

The good Doctor looks up from the pan of what appears to be some kind of black sludge, smiling widely. "Strive! What brings you here? Did you want to try this? It's a puree of coal dust and lemon juice with some secret spices!" 

"Uh.. no thanks, doctor. Havve said I should come talk to you about… some stuff I've been dealing with." 

"Oh?" He turns the pan down and puts a lid over it, ignoring the soft banging and popping now coming from the concoction. "What's plaguing you? Is it the plague? Space plague? Should I get the bird mask?" 

Strive can't help a smile. "No, no plague, Doctor. Just... some weird dreams, that's all." 

"Weird, oh, my favorite. I'm a doctor of dreams, you know." 

"I'm sure you are." He sits down at the breakfast bar, and Sung leans over the counter, arms crossed. 

"Tell me about these dreams, Strive." 

* * *

Sung listens quietly as Strive describes the dreams and visions, how they all centered around a crew member he'd never met. 

"I just… I just don't understand why. Why now, why… why at all? What do they mean, Sung?" 

The doctor hums, steepling his fingers in front of his mouth. "I know exactly what it means, Strive. I just… I don't know if you want to hear it." 

"I'm not a kid, I can handle it." 

Sung sighs. "It's your soul, Strive." 

"My… soul?" 

"Your soul. I don't know what the religion of your planet is, but for the most part throughout the universe, souls are… recycled. They pass out of one body and become a part of a new one." 

"So my soul isn't mine?" 

"No, no. It's yours. It's wholeheartedly yours. These visions and dreams.. or as Havve rightfully told you, memories, are from its last… vessel, I guess you could call him." 

"Then why are they all taking place in my ship, or here, or with you guys?"

He sighs again. "Because based on what you're describing, your soul last belonged to a member of the brigade. It belonged to Danny. He was also the original pilot of your ship." 

"Danny?" The name feels strange on his tongue. It's almost a tingly feeling, nearly reaching his heartstone.

"Yeah. By my estimate, he passed away not too long before you were born." 

"... how did he die?" 

"Boredom. The whole 'someone is missing shit where'd they go' thing that you described feeling in the harvester and seeing in your dreams? You're seeing when Echo disappeared. Danny looked everywhere for him, threw himself into work. He was primed for the Boredom, and it ate him to nothing." 

"... Were he and Danny…" 

"Very close, yes."

".... oh." 

"Best friends, maybe even more. It wasn't really my place to know, and they never announced anything." 

"Hm." Strive lays his head on the counter. "Why is this happening now, then? Why haven't I been getting these feelings my whole life, or at least since I've met you guys?" 

"That… well, I can't answer that, my friend. Obviously something has to be triggering it, but I'd have to figure out the right tests to run to figure it out. And they might be invasive. At the very least they'll tickle." 

"Right… sorry, just… tests don't exactly sound like the best way to spend an afternoon." 

Sung straightens up, cracking his knuckles idly. "I'm sure this is a lot to take in, anyway. Do you want me to leave you alone for a bit?" 

"No!" He sits up, ignoring the thrum of his heartstone. "No. Please. Stay here." 

He smiles. "Alright. You want some breakfast?" As he says that, the lid blows off the pan of black sludge with a  _ bang!  _

Strive laughs, smile back on his face. "I think I'll just get some cereal. Thanks for telling me about this, Sung." 

"Of course, Strive! Now, do you want the cookie cereal or the honey one?" 

"Surprise me." 

"Okay!" 

"Wait, no--!" 

* * *

Sung asks the general about the day off on Strive’s behalf, given his current mental distress. Or whatever. She is kind enough to grant it, and the day is spent in one of the lounges. The whole Brigade stays with him, each one knowing a part of his troubles and knowing from where--and who--they stem. It’s nice to just be able to hang out like this. Sung attempts to cook an actually edible meal as Havve gives instructions from a cookbook that does not include gunpowder as an ingredient. Meouch keeps an arm over him as Phobos signs out a story enigmatically, hell, even Brian gets into it, telling Strive awful jokes that have him doubled over in laughter. 

No mission looming over them, no strange memories and visions.

It is okay. Everything is okay.

Strive goes to sleep peacefully that night, no nightmares greeting him.


	7. Echo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The source of it all is finally through. He could use a hand, though...

But Strive is back on the ship anyway.

It’s empty again. Just the ship and nothing else. That is all this universe has to offer. His hand is his, no matter how it looks. It is his now. Even if it was Danny’s before.

The radio crackles again, and he reaches, opening the link.

“Dan? Can you hear me?” The voice. That’s the voice. The one that’s been calling where he can’t hear, the one that’s been in the background of every dream.

“Who are you?” His voice is different. Layered. Two voices calling, one long dead and the other looking for answers.

“..You’re not Dan, are you?” The voice is behind him now, and Strive turns. There is the picture he’s seen, a tall man with a blonde streak and pink eyes.

“You’re Echo.” Strive steps forward, his voice his own. He looks back, and he can see an afterimage. Danny. He nods to Strive as he fades away.

“What happened to Dan?” Echo doesn’t move, like he’s glued where he stands.

“He died.”

“... he became you.” He looks away. “Didn’t he? That’s why I can’t reach him. Why I can only get to you.”

“..Yeah. I’m sorry.” Strive looks down.

“Don’t be. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“How are you contacting me? Why are you in my dreams?”

“You passed through a harvester. You were in the subspace. I can’t explain it, but I could feel it from where I am.”

“Where are you?”

“I don’t really know. I’m still in the subspace, but everything is so strange… how long has it been?”

“Sung says it’s been over twenty years since they lost you.”

He nods. “That sounds right. Time is so weird here, it could have been twenty minutes for me. I can’t tell.”

“How do we find you?”

“What do you mean?” He tilts his head.

“I want to save you. How can we find you?”

“Why do you want to save me? You don’t know me.”

“No. I don’t.” Strive puts a hand over his heartstone. “But Danny did. And the brigade does too. They miss you. And I think a part of me still misses you too.”

Echo is quiet, but then he smiles. “I think I know what needs to be done.”

* * *

Strive is out of bed before even Havve, running down the halls. “Sung! Sung, I know--!”

Sung’s door opens, and he rubs his eyes under the cone. “What is it, Strive? It’s way too early for--”

“I know how to save Echo.”

“You wha--?”

“I saw him. In my dreams. He’s been trying to reach Dan, but he kept getting me. It’s why I’ve been remembering his memories, he’s been triggering that part of me. And he told me how to save him.”

“...okay. Let me get dressed. We’ll tell the general. We’ll get him back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! Echo is an alien version of Arin I've had lying around for a while, and I thought this might be a good way to put him to good use! And who knows, maybe I'll continue this! Thanks for reading!!


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